Another successful Bee hive move was accomplished this morning. I now have to go down and level out another stand before I can move any more because I got called into work yesterday so didn't get a chance to as planned.
I also discovered what all the hubbub is about today as well. A few weeks ago when my mother told me they were getting rid of most of the land now that they are retired it wasn't unexpected. Personally I think selling off land that has been in the family for a while to finance your own retirement and not leaving it to your off spring is one of the most selfish acts imaginable, but many could say I am biased in that regard and besides it doesn't completely apply in this situation anyway.
On the other hand I think those bumper stickers that read "We are Spending Our Children's Inheritance" started springing up at a specific time in history for a reason and I doubt we see them as much moving forward but that's another post.
So this morning my Mother comes knocking on the door and informs me she is now single once again. Or going to be soon anyway.
WHAT!?
I am not going to wash family laundry too much on the internet but the basic idea comes down to the fact that their 25+ year relationship couldn't handle even six months of them both being retired at the same time.
Truth is I am of the "I don't care" opinion. What they have was never in my own plans beyond keeping some bee hives up there anyway. It was nice to run the sheep up to the Summer pasture and have the extra hay off their place but I have enough land here to take care of my own little Homestead. Besides I never really liked that guy much anyway.
No the real kicker is.... and get this... My Mother now wants to put a little house, ok that's too grandiose of a word, a little cabin right next to my barn. Not only that she wants me to build it for her or at least put it together and finish the inside.
Now keep in mind we have an entire house she can move into today if she wanted to in town, but "NO WAY!!" was the answer to that option. She could never live in town away from her animals. Instead she would rather plop down some 20K on a prefab thing that I need to finish out for her that has a loft for sleeping in and a single room large enough for her to do her spinning and quilting.
She has decided she doesn't want to take care of anyone but herself for the rest of her life.
Her words not mine.
All I am going to say at this point is that I know something has been going on and for the last six months she hasn't gone running around like she used to. Lunch with her friends, shopping constantly, that type of thing came to a halt when he (All I refer to him now) retired. My bet is there is a huge controlling situation going on there and, well, what am I going to do? Tell her no? I always told her when we bought this place that she had complete freedom with the barn and fields for as long as she or the useless nags lived. She says all she wants to do is grow old ( at this point I asked grow?) watching her horses in the field and sitting on the porch while I bring her lambs to cuddle or soemthing. Oh. And Spin occasionally.
I am sure there is more to it but it isn't like it is going to place any more of a burden on us I guess. I always planned on taking care of her anyway.
After I told her yes she already called and set a time for the excavation crew to come level the spot she wants to build on. Not sure what He thinks about it, not that I care really but this could get even more interesting as it goes along. These things usually do.
Not a prepping or homesteading post I know but I thought I would share since you might see me doing some things and writing about it that wouldn't make much sense otherwise. I guess in this case the parent is moving in with the child. Kinda sorta....
So anyway I decided to cook up a lamb stew for tonight while I mulled the possible consequences of this news over. I simply just do not understand parents these days.
Keep Prepping Everyone!!!
That's a tough situation; only you can know what the most-correct answer is.
ReplyDeleteRP - Well I figure let her try it. I am not so sure she is going to be happy with such a small "house" but I learned long ago you can't tell a Woman she is wrong about something like that. They want what they want and it usually revolves around their "feelings". No risk from my side since she is the one financing the thing. If she doesn't like it worse case she moves somewhere and takes it with her best case I got a new building I guess.
DeleteSo how long before your mother controls you completely now that He is out of the picture? Sounds like she has a good start.
ReplyDeleteTewshooz - Ha!! My mother isn't the controlling one. My best guess is he wanted her to stop going all over the place and started questioning what she was doing etc. My mother is a couple years older than he is so she has been living the free retired life now while he hasn't and I think she got used to it.
DeleteWell, when things crack up, at least you won't have to worry about moving her out there to keep her safe.
ReplyDeleteAnd just think, you'll now have two women out there telling you what to do ALL the time. YOU of all people should enjoy that!
I love it...... HEH !
Anon - Not like she wasn't here always anyway. My land backs up against theirs, at least until they sell it anyway.
DeleteHowever in the honey do list of things yes it will more than likely make my life a bit harder. My Mother is a bit more high maintenance than my Wife in some ways and in other ways not. The Wife wants me to fix stuff like plumbing, shelves, and dig her flower beds. Mom on the other hand will want me to rewire her horse trailer or figure out why her truck gate isn't latching.
If anything it might actually improve the time span on getting some of the fences bought for my rotation scheme.
OH. I just remembered the worst thing of all. She will want me to be her IT guy too. Now that really sucks.
DeletePP,
ReplyDeleteI so feel for you! I'm dealing with MOM issues myself.
Take a deep breath, and this too shall pass.
Sandy - What gets me is at her age? LOL. Of course I don't know. He is a real ass, one reason I have never been all that fond of him maybe he is getting abusive or something. As far as having my Mother around well I see her prolly at least 2 times a day anyway as it is. I actually love hanging out with my parents. Just seems like a move a 67 year old Woman wouldn't make.
DeleteI have to disagree with you strongly about this not being a homesteading or prepping post, what to do with aging parents is a major consideration.
ReplyDeleteMy out-of-the-blue moment came on May 30, 2013, when my Dad was coming to stay at my house overnight before an appointment in the city the next day for schedule a knee surgery. He never made it inside that day. They picked him up off the porch suffering from heart problems and a mini-stroke. I had been getting ready to have them stay at my house after his knee surgery for a couple months to recover, but with all the complications, he has spent every night since here or in a hospital.
OMG John don't tell me that!!! My Father told me last week he was having knee surgery soon after the doctor gave him the thumbs up and I was going to have to go stay with him for a few weeks. That's not much of an issue as he too only lives about 5 miles from me as the crow flies and is easy to take care of.
DeleteYou're right though it is a consideration for everyone. I been taking care of my dad's place for years now along with mine but in a collapse situation I would more than likely have to move him out here. Luckily he and my mom get along really well for being a divorced couple :)
OK, OK,OK, Been there done this. All the women's advice columns, books etc. say don't do anything for at least for 6 months after a divorce or becoming a widow. Urge her to wait til spring. They may reconcile. She may meet someone else. She can have a lot of fun on 20K if she doesn't put it in a cabin. Its obvious you only want what's best for her. Hug her. Can she hang out at the house in town til spring when she has had time to think? You will be her support system and she can get over the trauma she is going thru. Nothing helps you get over a man like another man, whatever your age. What about your Dad?My advise as a peer to her: Stay in town, get your hair and nails done. Invite some people over for dinner. Go to horse shows, church, out to breakfast, bowling. Smile. Talk to a therapist. Cry. Get up, wash your face you got a lot going for you girl including a son that loves you. Don't let the a--hole see you sweat.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you both. (Completely unsolicited advice.) Peg
Peg - I offered. I even went so far as to plead with her to move into town but she won't have anything to do with it. I even thought about making the offer of letting her live here and we could move back into town but her claim was she can't take care of her critters by herself that I will need to be here at least to handle the hay for her, which is true I guess.
DeleteMaybe I will tell her no guys are allowed on the property overnight. That might wake her up.. and any Male suitors need to be chaperoned at all times :)
That should do it. I'm 65 and dealing with an 87 year old Mom who has moved 4 times over 1500 miles, sold the family home (5 acres and 2 story farmhouse for $50K on a whim) and is back living across the street from where she began with no money. It doesn't get easier. Be strong. Peg
DeletePeg - Well other than the proceeds from what or however they divide things up my Mother won't have much either except her pension which isn't a bad one. I think the government pension system causes a lot of these problems if you ask me. I think they give a sense of security that someone wouldn't have if they didn't know that check was coming in each month.
DeleteWe have taken care of my mother in law for thirteen years. I think extended families are becoming more normal. I also think it makes sense in a homesteading situation to gather goods and support
ReplyDeleteLW - I have always thought the same way really. As I mentioned I always figured I would be taking her in at some point one way or another. Point of fact I wouldn't consider either one of my parent's a burden regardless. As long as they have cognitive brain function they would be useful and even if they didn't I would continue to take care of them. My Mother was an RN and is still quite knowledgeable, does spinning demonstrations and the like. My Father was a mechanic that then became a service manager and later a general manager of a dealership so he knows engines. A skill I am somewhat lacking in. I can shape metal in ways he doesn't get but when it comes to mechanical stuff he has me beat hands down.
DeleteBesides I still say old folks make the best damned night watchmen ever.
Are you sure we are not related?, because this sounds amazingly like my own mother. I am sitting here reading this post and literally smacking my head on the table.
ReplyDeleteI told you my mothers direct quote to both my sister and I : " My mother never left me anything, and I intend to do the same"
What is it with our parents? God Forbid they leave their kids anything!!!. I am happy for Seniors parents, even though divorced, his mother had quite a bank account, and his dad left us this land.
And then there is the whole life insurance issue..I can't begin to go in to that tonight.. grrrrrr
JuGM - I am betting we are both Gen-Xer's. Something about the late Greatest Generation/Early Boomers just infused them with a ME ME ME attitude. I know painting them all with the same brush is not fair as there must be some who are not like that but I have yet to meet many. I work with a number of them and they absolutely hate the idea of leaving their kids anything for the most part.
DeleteYa know I should add... I think some of it maybe that a number of our grandparents ended up losing almost everything and what they had didn't lose didn't seem like much to our parents. Maybe? Land wasn't worth as much as it is now and was mostly all lost and people just had so little back then.
DeletePerhaps parents our age just think they got left nothing on purpose?
DeleteSorry I hit enter too early... twice :)
I think you hit the nail on the head with the Boomer/Late Greatest Generation attitude. The ones I explicitly hear it from is the Fox-news folks. The NPR crowd just spends it without even a consideration, so to some degree they are the more advanced case.
DeleteI think it is making a principal out of what is essentially a necessity: a necessity mixed with some self entitlement.
Russ - Ya I agree. I think it might be some hold over from the spend it now for tomorrow we die attitude that came out of so many men being in WWII. That's just a guess on my part though but it doesn't seem to be as prevalent of an attitude with the older gen X'rs and such.
DeleteYea, I can concur with that Boomer/Late Greatest thing as well.. but then again, Seniors parents left us a bit of an inheritance, and no credit card bills etc..
DeleteMy parents have nothing. All we will inherit is my mothers outrageaous credit card bills, and when those companies file claims against the estate whenever my parents pass, then my sister ( the executer) has been told she will need to file an estate bankruptcy.
I am sorry if I sound so darn bitter about my parents financial situation, but I have friends whose parents thought of their kids, and Seniors parents did. We have tried to tell my folks to be more financial savvy...but they ignore us. Then there is the whole 5,000 life insurance and them borrowing against it... really does piss me off.
DeleteJuGM - Nothing to be sorry about in my view. Many people from that generation have the attitude they are taking care of themselves but the truth is we are all paying to take care of them. Even the ones who worked their entire lives end up costing more before it is over by and large. It just doesn't jive with their me me me self interests in my book.
DeleteIt's a tricky one. My parents managed to start their farm from nothing and build it up from scratch with a lot of hard work so I'm not sure I'd mind about how much they left or didn't. I know a lot fo farmers from family farms that have been selling off bits or entire farms and I do feel like you do about this, it shouldn't really be their decision to make and it should be passed on because it was passed on to them. Although if the kids show no interest then it can be difficult to know what to do.
ReplyDeleteAlso about your comment about this post not being related to "our" subject matter I disagree. The more I learn about self sufficiency/homesteading/prepping etc the more I realise that the human aspect is what's hard and the community that you have around you is very important. It's a shame that after 25 years they no longer want to be with one another but I've heard of this thing before where all of a sudden they have too much time with each other and it drives them crazy.
You're doing right by looking after your mum though, and I'm sure what ever you do will be the right decision.
Kev - Yes I admit you guys do have a point it is sustainably related although I guess I just don't like to put too much private info out there.
DeleteI think you see the real problem. I don't think they really like each other all the much which was fine until they had to spend so much time together. To be honest I think my Mother stayed with him because of his tractor :)
Even if the parents built the place from scratch my guess is you helped a lot growing up and in different times you would ahve been the one caring for them when they couldn't do it themselves so accumulated wealth meant more. My guess is it will again at some point.
Although I expect nothing from my parents they are constantly trying to help us when they can and I'm sure we will be left something or for the our children. Dad constantly works harder to try to make thing easier for my brother, sister and my self, even though we tell him to slow down and enjoy what he has got more. I'd imagine my dad would stay for a tractor as well!
DeleteKev - Well I can tell you my Dad thinks about leaving stuff to us kids all the time. Even the two daughters that are not legally his as well. He refuses t fall into the medications trap too, although he is planning on getting knee surgery soon. He normally avoids doctors like the plague. Always willing to help others to a fault, including his children.
DeleteHaving been- through the situation you describe, I would urge you to spend NO MONEY at this time. Allow her time to grieve her relationship, make up her mind and she if she doesn't meet someone else, reconcile with her husband, or decide something else entirely this is something you could do in future.
ReplyDeleteRemember that a mother who would sell her land to retire on, and who would not make provisions for you and your family, will want the money invested in the cabin she builds on your property back when she decides to move to Florida or somewhere else.
Step carefully, my friend.
Been there and still washing the t-shirt,
Jane - I think she has been grieving for a few months anyway. As for the money she spends well I guess if she wanted it back she would have to figure out a way to move the thing. Truth is she is basically trapped and I think she decided it was easier to live with me then with him. She has four horses she can't take care of on her own and she won't even consider getting rid of them. Not that anyone would take them anyway.
DeleteHer expensive hobby has basically trapped her. Nothing new the fact is I think it has trapped her for the last 25 years but my finally paying off and taking over this place leaves her with at least one option more than she had I guess.
PP - lots of good advice here to consider. and i completely agree with what you say about that generation of people. my family were poor, my dad was a coalminer and i actually supported my mother and father when my dad got sick and before he reached pensionable age. when he died, my mother got nothing but half of his pension until she reached pensionable age. Jam's family is completely different. when his grandmother died and left everything to his mom and aunt - both of them went haywire building studios, buying and then renting out condos and taking trips all over the world 4-5 times a year. it makes me nuts! jam still thinks he will get something when his mother passes but i will be amazed if he gets 2 bucks! his father, who was a lawyer and contracted with the government for close to 50 years spent all of his money as he made it. jam thinks he is poor. he's so poor that he goes to mexico for 4 months of every year during the winter. ya, poor.
ReplyDeleteall of this to say that although he thinks something will be coming to him, i don't count on it at all. we work hard, we try and save as much as we can, we are trying to build a more sustainable lifestyle and are grateful that although we don't have kids - we have many young people in our lives that we can gracefully pass all of this on to when we pass.
much love buddy! your friend,
kymber
Kymber - Far too often I think those of that generation just do not realize how much easier it was back then. Even I can admit that life for me at 20 was a cakewalk compared to the social engineering and government hurdle bull shit today. Yet it's like a fog for so many of them who want to proudly say they did it all. Well maybe they did I wouldn't take anything away from their accomplishments as long as they in turn realize they allowed the playing field to be land mined behind em.
Delete